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THE DAILY ZOO |
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DAILY ZOO page 1 |
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- Scared Sheepless -
Day 312
Cancer is scary - very, very scary. At various stages of my leukemia experience I was forced to confront my mortality in a way I had never done before. I had to think about death as a very real and immediate possibility, not just an abstract concept that will happen someday.
My mind was also overloaded with questions, some very serious, others extremely trivial. How bad will the side effects from the chemo be? Even if the treatments are successful, will I suffer a relapse? What about a living will? How will I look bald? How did I combat those fears? I asked my doctors, nurses, and other hospital support staff a lot of those questions. I talked about my fears and concerns with my fiancée, family, and friends. And I embraced humor which can be such a powerful weapon. I tried to find the absurd, insane, and funny aspects in an otherwise very tense situation. I made a Pros & Cons list about having leukemia which happened to be much longer on the Pros side! Plus, offering visitors some of my home-brewed "lemonade" from my portable urinal jug never got old - not to me at least. Once in a while the tears would flow and shake me to the core, but then I would try my best to get back to focusing intensely on the positive: "I want to beat this." |
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